It’s been three days and I’m still jetlagged. The upside to
lag in this beautiful weather is that, unlike everyday of my life, I actually
look forward to an early morning activity and am usually ready to pounce by 8
am.
Hanan, as upbeat and energetic as ever, suggests we make use
of the weather+ my sunny humor and go for a brisk walk by the beach instead of
the usual first coffee after a long summer break.
We talk about anything and everything, our vernacular speed
matched only by our fast steps on the grass. We mention the number of UN and
foreign-service spouses who, this year, have decided to NOT follow their
husbands wherever they were posted.
One friend decided to stay behind because her son is knee
deep in IB, her private business also on the rise. One friend landed a dream
job and has also decided to stay on. Another survived the Saudi experience for
a whole year and has vowed to not go back.
The examples were too many and we started to analyze why we, the expat
spouses, have suddenly decided to rebel!
The cycle goes like this…
Our moms all shared a common denominator: a relatively traditional
upbringing geared towards a woman’s ultimate goal to become a dutiful wife and
a great mom.
For some reason, along the path to womanhood, our parents
realized that life did not quite always work this way. Some moms hesitantly tasted the forbidden
pleasure of life outside her domestic duties. Some have even managed to establish
flourishing careers and have achieved huge success. Other moms, thrown into a world that forced
them to rely on their limited skills and provide for themselves, have also,
along the way, realized that we are not as sheltered as our ancestors used to
be.
End result????
They all invested in their daughters, us, to become well-rounded,
highly educated, very skilled and autonomous individuals. They equipped us so well to face a world that
is usually unfair and harsh. But then,
our lot decided to go the traditional way and married roaming career-driven
spouses. We didn’t just hit a brick
wall. We all collided into that huge Dam
that is called Sacrifice, head on!
So here we found ourselves, molded into a traditional role we
were neither tuned to nor trained for all our youth. We were expected to
follow, nurture, support, pack and follow again.. and again..and again….
A few girls I know have actually fit perfectly into that
domestic mold. Most however, have fought
viciously at first, given up when kids popped out one after the other, waited
it out with a small job, a consultancy, a degree here and there. And when it
was time to rise, like a dormant volcano that has suddenly risen from its
slumber, they have revolted.
They are the girls who truly hunger for a little more than
domestic gratitude, a lot more than what their spouses can offer ( I mean
intellectual input rather than $$$$ and Egppps).
They are the girls who believe that they can and should
pursue their own path rather than follow and accept another person’s path.
On the outset, you’d think what a selfish generation. Do
they think they can have it all? A man, a house, good kids and a career of
their own??
The truth is YES! We are that generation! Educated,
Rebellious, Strong and Confident (not that much!). And I don’t see that selfish! We only live it
once and we – in many cases (not always) – have a choice!
From all my peers who have already made the leap and stopped
following, I don’t see an ounce of selfishness in their blood. In fact, I see a zest for life so strong, that
it somehow overflows and reflects on their motivated and focused kids. The few
wise men, who have accepted and supported, have so far, maintained a very
critical balance and thus have kept their marriages quite stable. Hint Hint J
Admiring each and everyone of them, Hanan and I slowly fall
into silence as each drifts in her own thoughts! I just turned 40.. but my baby
girl is only 5! When will my time come?
I didn’t dare ask her what she was thinking at this point.
Minutes after, Ramadan TV series and silly commercials
overtook the rest of ourtrek. As expected, I went back home quick to cook for
the kids before they came home… hmmmmmmmm.. Did I just confess that I turned …… Better get working on that bucket list!
