Four closet boxes, check… Boys winter clothes, check… Shoes,
check… China and silverware, check… Camping gear, check…….
Why does it look like the more I pack, the more clutter
spills and takes over my floor space?
The system is quite clear in my head. In fact, I have
fleeting moments of sheer pride in my planning and organization skills. But if
you pop in for a stroll around my house, you’ll probably think, poor Laila,
what a mess she has to deal with. No one seems to be able to read the system
behind the Labyrinth of cardboard and plastic I have created. At times, I think
I can’t navigate it either. Put I quickly push any doubts aside. The one secret
to a smooth move is CONTROL.
This is my sixth move and by far the most chaotic. My last
was five years ago and the eldest of my children was only four. All I had to do
to make him happy was make sure his Blue Lightning McQueen would make it safe
to the other side of the ocean. It never did, but by the time our container was
opened, He had lost all consciousness of the 15$ toy. The lure of a trip to Target to replenish the toy closet in his new room had all but wiped away all
shreds of memory he carried along from his previous life. That simple!
Now,11, 8 and 6; my kids are very conscious of the move and
have been yo-yoing between dumping their fears and insecurities on me, and
shooting three pointers filled with anger and frustration straight at my head. They
always score!
Generally speaking, they are handling the process much
better than I thought. But they are THREE, and I am ONE. It doesn’t take a genius
to quickly do the math and conclude that I’m officially outnumbered!
If there are any skills I have gained from this move, here
is a list I have been using as my default setting to smoothly ride this
avalanche of emotions, logistics and details.
1-
Be Positive. The UN alone employs thousands of
internationally designated staff. Add the private sector, foreign ministries
across the globe and I immediately feel less alone.
2-
Investigate the new destination. Many roamers
have to deal with pit of the earth destinations. That alone can be cause of
serious mental stress, and in many cases, a separation of the family for more
child-friendly shores. But if like me, you have been blessed with a destination
you are actually looking forward to explore, do just that. Virtually explore
and plan your first series of adventures ahead of time. I already have a list
of Tree House hotels I want to take the kids to. Silly, yes.. Trivial,
definitely yes.. Crucial for my mental health.. YES YES YES
3-
Engage the kids in the process. New beginnings
always bring new toys and new spaces in tow. My boys helped choose the car. We
debated for days the merits of another 7-seater versus a sporty looking Sedan.
My eldest two are boys, talking cars with them is always surprisingly very
enlightening.
4-
Be flexible. Two weeks before departure, I was
boxing my house up, planning the dates for the container to ship when Walid
zoomed in on a great house very close to school – my one and only big condition.
The house is furnished! My mind went into loops and hoops.. What do I unpack?
How do I separate what goes into storage and what I have to absolutely take
along? Do I really have to take anything along? I need to create three separate
spaces: stuff that goes to storage, stuff that we take along and the packing
for our summer in Egypt. I have two weeks to go. I CAN DO IT! The house is
worth it.. Keep repeating that.. The house is worth it. Even if has no kitchen
per say and non-existent closet space… the house is worth it.
- - You are a Butterfly in the making.. It seems that my kids have made a secret pact to keep me on my toes. We are one family, they are all the offspring of one drained body, we are moving together to the same destination and YET.. they can't seem to agree on how to collectively deal. Accordingly, their needs and expectations from me are just as incoherently varied. As I said, I find myself constantly morphing in response to each of them. I can't remember how I personally feel anymore because my mind has been overtaken by three young but oh-so-capable armies of sorrow, eagerness, sadness, can't-wait-to-go excitement and then some.. I'm expected to embrace and understand. I do, at least I think I do. And every time I stop to think: where am I in all this? I pull hard on my mental brakes. It Matters naught... For I'm in a Morphing stage and soon I'll emerge more beautiful and free. (Unrealistic and totally untrue, and you're probably lollll-ing right now. But hey.. it works)
5- If you absolutely have to whine about the misery
of it all, make sure you do it with an energizing spin. I chose to whine and
hike. Poor Hanan, a dear friend who has been quite accommodating. As we tread
unchartered trails and gasp at every wild animal sighting failing miserably to
capture the moment with an IPhone Selfie, she listens patiently and offers what I
need the most, JOKES! We laugh so hard as we share the various anecdotes that
have marked each and every move we both endured as career Roamers. Believe , we all go through it and we have loads to tell.
6-
Stay in CONTROL.. That’s key.. Boxes are
cluttering your home… Kids are testing your ability to morph into mood soother,.,
anger bouncing ball, beacon of hope, anxiety catcher net, all in one afternoon…
cooking, cleaning and driving to activities remains unchanged despite the added
cardboard load… Stay in CONTROL.. Please don’t ask me how, I’m still figuring
that one out!
7-
Don’t ignore your own personal sadness. If you
are too eager to leave then you haven’t really lived this last post. The more
you live a destination, the deeper and more intricately twined your root system
becomes. Letting go isn’t easy. Better deal with it while you are still at it. Because
if you are like me, you bottle up and compress till the moment is gone; it will be so hard on the other side, you won’t know what has suddenly gripped and
crushed your essence. But newly established and still rootless in your new
destination, you won’t have the support system to lift you up when you whither
and fall. I know that’s exactly what I should be doing. But I’m still stupidly
bottling up.
I’d like and keep this list flowing, but I’m running out of
excusable time off of boxes. More purging awaits in the kitchen.. By the end of
today, I intend to claim victory with seven more Checks next to my to-pack
list. But before all, Taymour forgot his homework at home and I need to rush to school to save the day.. aka shield myself from the torrents of emotions should I decide to let it go.
