Mount Kilimanjaro - Doing it the Lemosho way - Day _1

Klimbing Cili – Day Minus1

It’s 7 Am and I’m on the scale.. 4 Kgs up the roof and 2 more away from my ideal fit weight.

My knees are quite conscious of the extra blubber they will have to haul up that mountain two days from now. But my stomach is rebelling. In less than 24 hours there won’t be a decent meal in sight for 8 long arduous and ridiculously freezing days. Did I mention the torrential rain?  Yes, it will be a rainy hike up Mount Kili and the weather conditions are going to try their best to go against our will every step of the way.  And here I was worrying about camera chargers and extra battery life! There won’t be a dry moment to snap that perfect shot. Guess Steph and I will have to get very creative taking snap shots inside a 2 x 2 tent for 8  endless days.

But hey, if I stuff myself up with that whole bowl of Avocado, then finish up with some greasy fries, I’ll be much heavier and the wind won’t have it’s way with me afterall!

My friend Isabelle tells me in her village back home, they ask the youngest of  twin siblings to plant a knife in the garden to keep the rain at bay.. Can it work long distance??? Because I need that little boy of hers and 8 sharp knives to travel along!

My friend Salomé has a travel friendlier secret ritual! “Put three eggs in the garden and wish away .. your wishes should be directly to a certain Santa Clara and the rain won’t dare sprinkly your way.. Hmmmm, gotta find a way to carry three raw eggs intact on Lemosho, via Lava tower and the Baranco Wall scramble!

Emilie on the other hand thinks I should absolutely do both, and sprinkle some salt along the way! Afterall, if all else fails, we can end up mucnging on a warm omelette in base camp as we watch the rain wash away the tracks we should have followed!

In the meantime, It’s feeding frenzy till Day 0 hits in a few hours time.. A nose dive in my bed maybe??  And a few trips to my clean comfortable bathrooms just to get my fill! Oh Well,,,,,, It’s gonna be OK!

Do you speak Expenglish?

Two years in South Africa and I already say EEZ It? Yuhh and Shame!

Yoh is when I’m astounded; and Yoh has come out every time I go into a shop and people think I am French!

I have a French accent - he South Africans say..

But the French, despite the flowery compliments know I don’y do their language justice. After all I’m a product of the Egyptian education system and that doesn’t position us well in life in general.

I do however, spend some time everyday in the French-speaking realm and my closest of friends are predominantly French. They speak to me in Frenglish most of the time so yeah, I get it, I picked up the accent and I fused it with some South African English. Add my Egyptian heritage to the mix + 11 years in New York to spice it up and here you have it….

Expenglish!

There is no denying that English is the common language of Expats.  And for the fortunate expats who successfully forge the best of friendships beyond their national compatriots orbits…with Italians, Argentinians, Spanish, Germans, Brazilians … and thanks to the French school, also French; we manage to somehow craft our own special accent.

The Intercontinental spice mix gives it a flavor that is unique to expats around the world. We know it, we like it, and best of all.. We can never go wrong with it.

There is nothing that we can utter that can be classified as grammatically wrong! Because it’s all wrong.. And that makes it soooo right.  It makes it sooooo unique and soooooo us – expats, that our Expenglish becomes an inherent trait of our global identity.

Hello, my name is Laila, I am an expat and I speak Expenglish.. an all-embracing, judgment-free English that allows us to use as many foreign words as we need, gesticulate as far as our arms can extend, and make the weirdest of body movements to fill for the vernacular gaps. If I get what you want to say then you are fluent, regardless of what you actually said! I get it..  Don’t ask me how.

You know why we get it?

It’s simply because it’s the only language in the world that doesn’t carry any cultural baggage. It is not heavily impregnated with nuances and connotations. It doesn’t differentiate between old and young, man and woman, rich and poor, old money and nouveau rich or black and white. All you need is your basic knowledge of the English language, and your rich experience as an expat and you’re speaking.. Expenglish!

Two years in South Africa and I’m not worried about being understood any longer. Speaking it like the locals is no benchmark for positive integration. When I’m asked: where is that foreign accent from? I simply smile and say.. Take your pick, it’s Egyptian, American, South African and French. I’m all of those and still more to come. J

Expat Nostalgia - Why I believe global children are universal friendship donors

“Nina is leaving to France”, my daughter announces this morning.

She says it without a flicker of emotion that runs through her voice. I know she’s unhappy about it. She’s only seven and Nina is her best friend, her champion, the girl who makes her feel special every morning she goes to school.

Dare I tell her that Mayen is leaving too? End of this year? Back to the States where my Tamara also longs to be? Mayen is BFF too, and more importantly she also comes from New York, or close. The girls share heritage here!

I deep search into her eyes.. I see sadness, acceptance.. or is it just my mind willing me to see in her eyes what I truly feel inside my own heart?

This is the hardest part of life as an expat mom.

The loss you feel with every move is a family sized one! No single portions here! You mourn every BFF any of your children ever made. You start shuffling that ever-so-tight travel budget purse trying to figure out how you’ll plan the next reunion. Destinations keep spreading as we move from post to post and the children each make their own friendships, just to lose them months or years later. And those friendships turn to virtual friendships, and my job to plan for reunions turns into an impossibly tangled web of destinations across the globe... This a UN tight mini purse, remember? they don't factor in friendship budgets when they calculate our worth as expat UN families. 

I take a pause.

Do they really suffer the way I think they do? My kids were born into this life. They don’t know any other. Childhood friendships are a foreign concept to them. Or maybe it’s a concept that they have redefined to suit their rootless lifestyles. Maybe they are OK with it and I need to be watchful not to overflow my own personal baggage onto their tiny resilient heads.

I love this life, but I’m old enough to appreciate the upside of this journey. And even then, I can’t but experience the sudden flip when I miss a friend, or a moment or a memory that was forever etched in my brain. A moment like now while I’m writing this and I remember that same moment a year ago, when I sat writing about my upcoming move to ZA and I left the writing to flip through photos of my trip to Costa Rica with Hoda. By the time I was done I had to rush to go meet Estelle for a quick 5k run around her house.  We were training for my first 5 k in New York,, a sort of a good bye bucket list that I had developed to cope with the move, a list all my fiends conspired and obliged to fulfill.. I miss my friends in Westchester.

From Nikes to Hikes (part # 1) – 5 reasons an amateur jogger might just give up in Joburg … 9 More to overcome that angst!

Egyptian Expat In Joburg – an amateur’s guide to living Joburg to the fullest..  

From Nikes to hikes, I never imagined that taking my outdoor leisure activities to Joburg would be this challenging.  I’m a hiker, yes I am.. That is I like to walk in forests, enjoy a rock climb or two, assuming the incline is no steeper than 15% .

Jogging on the other hand, was an on again- off again passion of mine but I only took it up seriously when I decided I want to run my first 5 k in New York before I leave. And I did! With very little training.

I landed in Joburg armed with my Nikes and ready to jog my neighborhood away. I joined a hiking club through the kids school and inwardly, I was gloating J For once, I am embarking on a new expat post with a better plan to make the most of it for day 1… no whining for me! No time for nostalgia and homesickness woes. I’m here and I intend to that it to the fullest.. Every single day!

Then I hit my first jog.. Half an hour later I was panting, navigating a thin pretty creek-side trail through blurred eyes and oxygen deprived brain cells.

It’s the altitude, my husband said.. I could think of a thousand reasons more to add to my pathetic state.

1.  Joburg sits at 1753 meters above sea level.. second only to Mexico City in height above sea.. So if you’re not used to heights, it will knock you out of your first trail run in less than 30 minutes… listen to that buzz behind your eyes, it’s you system crying out… gimme more O2 NOW!
2. As if this incredible altitude is not enough, the terrain is quite hilly with ridiculously steep inclines.. Up and down.. Up and down.. It just doesn’t seem to end.
3. All of Joburg seems to be jogging every morning. While this can be a very inspiring social movement, the sight of so many fellow joggers passing me by effortlessly is actually quite annoying.
4. Joburg runners wake up way too early, by 9 am, just as I’m about to hit the gravel, everyone else is finishing up, victory smiles shining through their sweaty cheeks.
5.  Everyone is in full gear, and I don’t mean shorts, shoes and an iPhone stuck to their sweaty arm. This is hardcore gear: Racing shorts, Race numbered tees from previously conquered races, water bottle sticking out of weird outfit places.

You get out of your front door and you get that sudden rush that you are about to start today’s 5 K challenge among all these 1^st class racers. Daunnnnnnting!

Here are some ways that have worked for me.. I still fall behind, pant and act in all the non-inspiring ways I shouldn’t act when I jog.. But I’m working on it J 

1-    Alternate jog and walk inclines.. That’s what I do when I want to conquer multiple inclines in my run.. I jog the first, walk the next, and so on.. Eventually I’ll skip every two working my stamina up slowly

2-    Don’t joke around with your breathing (like I used to), there is no room for error at this altitude so no shallow breathing here.. you need all the O2 you can inhale with every step you take, so make those inhales count

3-    If you are a groupie, you will find plenty of running groups to join all around, I joined the one from my kids’ school. They’re still hardcore for me, but it’s convenient and start off is always right after drop-offs which is very convenient

4-    Ignore the race tees blazing by. Run at your pace and enjoy the incredible scenery that Joburg has to offer

5-    Yes they are all fit and light and agile and all wrapped in envy-inducing halo qualities, but you’re here, in Joburg and you’re already jogging, months after you’ve landed. That’s huge so pat yourself on the shoulder and gloat.. You earned it

6-    Get a few Gym runs every once in a while to uplift your morale. In a controlled environment and on a treadmill, you’ll find that you go longer and faster without the after-shocks of a first few runs in high altitudes

7-    Try not to jog alone.. Security remains an issue and if you plan to take it slow at first, maybe walk a bit or even sit down for a breather, you put yourself at risk.. I’ve done it though, twice and I was OK. I didn’t feel threatened even when I did sit down to catch any lingering air molecules that haven’t been inhaled yet.

8-    If you’re worried about uncontrolled environments, check out the closed in trails. I heard the Botanical garden has amazing trails.. I have yet to go!

Here are some useful links for you..

 http://www.joburg.org.za/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=316&Itemid=52

http://www.mapmyrun.com/za/johannesburg-gauteng/

http://myrunnersworld.co.za/trail-running-in-gauteng/

9-    Finally, if you happen to bump into me on one of these run days, let me know how you’re doing.. It totally helps to know that you’re not alone out there.

.com Moms - #Joziexpat chronicles

As far as stereotypes are concerned, I proudly espouse “Your Typical American Suburban Mom” definition.  I carry a history of driving a minivan on the streets of Westchester, a wardrobe dominated by yoga pants and a bathroom drawer that carries all the hues for elastic bands I use to tie that perfect morning ponytail high up.

I did my gym hour with my peers every morning after drop offs and I dragged my sulking face and objecting feet back home for housework and cooking afterwards. Ultimately, I became a social media addict.. I made it social, political, sometimes religious.. Anything to make my excuse for not cleaning.. Yet another bathroom, legit!

But there is this much you can say on Facebook without coming across as an empty headed, emotional fireball, totally bored with her life despite all its blessings.  So I moved to the magical world of .com shopping.. It was perfect: convenient, available, no time restrictions and no one sitting there to judge your every click! Delivery was free on almost everything and if you didn’t like it… you would just return it, also free of charge.. Welcome to American convenience at its finest!

I was explaining to some European friends here how, only last year I was planning for my nephew’s wedding back In Cairo and I simply didn’t feel the urge to go dress hunting. So I ended up buying the dress of my dreams online and with 50% discount from ebay. To make it even sweeter, I ordered 7 pairs of possibly matching sandals from Zappos and zoom, three days later, I was trying them on in my bedroom.. Picked one up and just as easily, returned the remaining 6 with a couple of clicks, a quick trip to the post office and a full refund a few days later. That easy!

From the looks on their faces, I decided not to share my nostalgia for my weekly virtual super market visits to Freshdirect, my secret Santa amazon midnight sprees and the amazing deals I found on Groupon and LivingSocial. Zappos was seismic enough for the fragile state of our newfound friendship here.

And then came that moment all expats dread - or sometimes anticipate depending on your personal experience -  When you are told: WE ARE MOVING… new post.. new life. For me, that meant: more Internet time, legit time, to research my new destination and explore its virtual benefits to give myself something to look forward to.

The thing about searching for info on South Africa online is that it has this dramatic feel that only health sites are notorious for. If you search your symptoms online, you’re sure you’re going to die before you make to the doctor’s office.

But just like health sites, the drama turns out to be nothing more than an exaggerated disclaimer.. Your symptoms are nothing but a stress induced nervous entanglement… The issues with security in South Africa don’t make your daily life a venture into a mine field either.

One thing my .com savyy eyes immediately caught on: shops close at 6 pm on weekdays and are almost all closed on Sundays.. Then to make it worse, I stumbled upon this great blog by an expat in Joburg and on it, she lamented the loss of the amazon.com way of life…. Ooohhh.. Now I need a legitimate excuse to be online.. fast!

F-forward two months and I proudly sit right now to brag about another misconception about South Africa I’m about to dispel.. 

For all .com buffs like me, who are either living in or about to move to Joburg, here is a list of what I’ve found and already tried J

1- For amazon.com    there is always Kalahari.com

2- For FreshDirect    there is PicknPay

3- For Craigslist    there is Gumtree.co.za

4- for Groupon… well there is also Groupon.za

and it’s just as colorful and vibrant with daily add-ons and quirky stuff

5- for Zappos.. Unfortunately my hunt has not yielded much in that department.. Yet.. but don’t despair.. I’m on it

After all, I’ve only been here two months now!